The Enemy is Fear, Not Hate

A few weeks ago, I wrote about some of my thoughts that came out of talking with Tony Blauer and learning about being in a fear loop in certain situations. What I have started noticing is that there are so many facets of life where people get stuck because of fear – and not just related to huge life or death issues either.  We are scared of what changing will bring – but sometimes it’s good to scare yourself and do something that makes your heart pump a little faster. It can really reinvigorate and reignite things that may have burned out a long time ago.

I have been going around and around in a fear loop about a few things lately — my workouts to name one. I am scared to push myself past a certain point and when I hit that point, every time I stop. Without fail — it’s an automatic response to being uncomfortable. Granted, I have asthma and there are some major consequences to not listening to what is going on with my body but I sense it’s more than that. What is the key to getting me comfortable with that extra push that I want — to not stop to regain my breath and relax myself — before I pick it up once again. It’s frustrating and it’s holding me back.  As soon as I sense my heavy breathing and my lungs feel heavy, I back off from the intensity. It’s automatic and I struggle to regain my breath and stabilize my lungs before I carry on. Yes, I carry on but man if I can just learn to push past the pain and quiet the panic that starts to bubble up as I start to breathe heavy – I wouldn’t be able to be stopped.

There are some other things career related and personal that I would like to address too but I haven’t been able to find my way out of the fear loop – so I continue to work on things and confront those pesky voices in my head to make sense of some of the stuff so that I can be ready to get myself out of it.   One of the blogs I read very regularly is written by Vashti – who is the wife of the late actor Andy Whitfield – who died of cancer last September. She has such a unique perspective of life that just inspires me and challenges me to think in a different way about every day.  I relate to her a lot in our shared experience of having to see and care for someone you love more than the world as they battle cancer. Sadly, her wonderful love passed on – way too young.  But even when they were battling together, they both chose to see what was going on very differently than most people would.  I like to think that Scotty and I did as well.

She just seems to be able to communicate the right things at the right time for me — yesterday, I read her post Redefining Fear.

This whole poorly written post is about understanding an honouring fear and knowing that there is actually a way to use your fear in an EMPOWERING way. In stead of being stopped by it, learn to let it spur you on, inspire you and challenge you to lean in to your life. There is no need to be be stuck on the outside of your life as an observer, peeking in through the window, wondering what it might be like in that room if you boldly stepped inside.

The post brought me to tears actually. I can’t explain exactly why but something about it spoke directly to me. I don’t want to be stopped by my fear and I know it’s up to me to take the step inside of my life to see what it has in store for me. If you look at the comments, there are so many people out there dealing with being in a fear loop. One of the comments on the blog was this quote:

Fear you can overcome, regret you’re stuck with.

Nothing is more true than that quote. I don’t want to be the one that always talks about what could have been — I want it to be. Period. End of Story.

Yeah, I am thinking some seriously deep thoughts this Friday morning aren’t I. Breathe.

My workout today was tough. Cold air, exhaust fumes, and lots of cardio/heart pumping intensity!

Warmup

• DROM
• 800m jog
• bear crawl
• lunges
• pass thrus
• good mornings

Skill

• KB Swing
• Box Jump

WOD
5 Rounds for Time

• 20 KB Swings
• 100m Sprint
• 20 Box Jumps

time: 16:18 – sprinting & box jumps together made it tough!