The cancer is gone, but the cancer never goes away.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say yesterday was an emotional day for me. Yes, I knew it would be but I guess I underestimated how much it would hit me. I was feeling all jittery on the way to the hospital – my stomach in knots. As we waited for our stuff to get processed, I was ok. We were escorted to the back and I was ok as Scott got situated.
When the nurse came in to say it was time to go — I gave Scott a big kiss and looked him in the eye and said our stuff. He gave me one of his ‘don’t be so schmultzy’ looks and it hit me. This was more my moment to relive. He was so out of sorts when we first found out he was sick — that it probably doesn’t feel so familiar to him.
I thought about things during the hour I was waiting around for him. I did some mobility work with the wall in the waiting room. Yes, people were looking at me like WTF?! The chairs in those places are not made for comfort or napping that’s for sure. Why is that? It would seem that the family/friends waiting around need to be kept at peace too. I digress…
I heard the announcement for the Hoaglund family and went to room 6 to wait for his arrival. There was a nurse waiting for me and said – Nurse Wendy told me to come right out and tell you everything went well because you needed to know asap. I agreed–I did and said thanks. I felt the tears bubble up inside when I exhaled — but kept them in as I waited for Scott. They rolled him into the room. Scott was not quite with it yet –and Nurse Wendy looked at me and said everything went well –he looks good and explained to the other medical staff around us that Scott was a former colon cancer patient. And it clicked with them that this is a bigger moment to us than others going for their routine colonoscopy. The tears started —
This was the same scene as when we found out and it brought me back. I remember going in thinking oh –it’s an ulcer or something. Who would have thought it was cancer? When they wheeled him in 4 years ago, after his urgent colonoscopy, none of med staff would make eye contact with me and all was quiet. I knew something was up but again, never in my wildest dreams thought it was the big C. Then, silence and they all left and shut the door and Dr. Crenshaw came in and came up to me with a solemn look in his eyes and explained what they found. I will NEVER EVER forget that moment – the moment cancer entered our lives.
But — this time was different. this time was great. this time we are different. They found two small polyps which will be sent out for biopsy but are not cause for alarm and as long as they remove them (which they did) it should be good as gold. Scott seems to be a polyp maker – one of his many talents I guess. He slowly came out of his drugged up, twilight state and we got the heck out of there! Not before we told the nurse that Scott was driving us straight to the lawyers to have him sign some important docs, and then will operate some heavy machinery like a tractor when we get home. Thank goodness she had a good sense of humor as I signed the paperwork that said I would do none of those things while he is still recovering from anesthesia.
We went out for a celebratory lunch — and it was time to pick up the kiddos, do homework, make dinner and get ready for the next day. I stayed up a bit later than usual, still trying to unwind and relax. When I finally put my head down on the pillow — i started crying. Finally a quiet moment to release the emotions that this experience brought up.
Life goes on — and I feel great!
Workout for today was a dynamic motion strength day. Helps you get quicker and stronger!
- 600 m jog
- box back squats 145#
- 12×2 box back squats
- 5m Max DUs (I got 86)